I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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