I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
did i walk over a car last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
