You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
