Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
