I only kidnapped one of them. chill
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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