I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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