My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
two words...techno handjob
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
