Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need help removing her.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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