I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Im part way to drunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
