very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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