oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
