You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
