dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
