he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
