I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
