He uses pillows to masturbate.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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