im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
