Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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