So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
