As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
