Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
