how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
