We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
