apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
