you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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