new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
