i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
