do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
