There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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