Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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