I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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