And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
