He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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