He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We left an ass print on the piano.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
