Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
