He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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