Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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