It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You are the jesus of drinking
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
