enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
