despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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