I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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