Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
