Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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