On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
