Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
PANTIES FOUND
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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