You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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