I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So vagazzling was a success
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
