What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
