I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
