with your own penis?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
