I wish I could punch you in the face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
