I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
