I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
