this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
