If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
