But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
