My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
