The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
