Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
