Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
