nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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