I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
