you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
