now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
