We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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