Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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