i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
