I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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