Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
