Just cropdusted the office
he thought i was a dude.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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