I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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