i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize