maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
