Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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